Couples therapy · Coquitlam, BC & online
The argument is never really about the dishes
You can both predict the whole fight from the first sentence. What you can’t do is stop it.
That isn’t a failure of love or effort. It’s two nervous systems doing what they learned to do — and it can change.
50-minute sessions · Weekly, then fortnightly · online
What is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?
A short-term, research-backed approach developed by Canadian psychologists Sue Johnson and Leslie Greenberg. Over roughly 12 to 30 sessions, it helps you see the cycle you’re caught in, understand the feelings underneath it, and build a more secure bond.
I blend it with Somatic Experiencing for nervous system regulation, and with trauma work inside couples sessions.
I also use Terry Real’s Relational Life Therapy, Gottman Method, amongst other experiential approaches.
We are hurt in relationship, and we heal in relationship.
- Length
12–30 sessions, reviewed openly as we go - Sessions
50 minutes, weekly to start - Where
online - First step
A free 20-minute call
First we find the pattern. Then we find what it’s protecting.
What we do
Three stages
01
See the pattern
We take one real argument apart, frame by frame, until you can both see the sequence rather than each other. Most couples arrive feeling on opposite sides and discover they’re caught in something together.
02
Change it in the room
You learn to say the thing underneath in a way your partner can actually hear. Whether you shut down or flare up, we find the version that brings you closer instead of further apart.
03
Take it home
We apply the new way of talking to the old unresolved things, and you leave with something you can use rather than a memory of feeling better.
What we work on
More common than it feels
- Conversations that always escalate
- Betrayal, affairs, and mistrust
- Intimacy and desire gone quiet
- Differing values, and decisions you can’t make together
- Shutdown, overwhelm, and feeling attacked
- Polyamory and open-relationship dynamics
- Past trauma showing up in the present
- Deciding whether to stay — and how to part well
What about couples intensives?
Roughly two months of weekly work in a single day. It suits couples travelling in to see me, or who find that a 50-minute session ends just as something important starts to open.
Full-day formats, quoted separately. Ask me about one.
Before you book
Common questions
What if my partner won’t come?
Come on your own. A great deal shifts in a relationship when one person starts moving differently. We can work on your relationship individually.
Will you take sides?
No — though I’ll be honest with both of you, which sometimes means saying the uncomfortable thing to each of you in turn. Being on the side of the relationship isn’t the same as being neutral about behaviour that causes harm.
What if we’re not sure we want to stay together?
That’s a legitimate reason to come. Some couples find their way back; some decide to part. Doing it consciously, with less damage, matters — particularly when there are children.
Do you work with non-monogamous couples?
Yes, and you won’t spend sessions educating me. There’s a dedicated page on polyamory and ethical non-monogamy.
Does it work online?
Better than most people expect, including for couples. You’ll need a private room and a reliable connection.
How much does it cost?
$175 for a 50-minute session. 48hr cancellation policy.
Imagine feeling calm in the conversations that used to escalate
A free 20-minute call is the way to find out whether this is right for you.